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Isn’t
honesty just plain easier?
William D. Hicks, Match.com
So
you’ve had that all-important first chat. You even received
an “I’m glad to meet you” email. Good start. It’s
hard to meet someone who wants to date—especially in the online
gay community. Most want stats and pictures first—and if you’re
not perfect—adios amigo. If you don’t send drop-dead gorgeous
pictures, create scintillating chat and meet immediately, you get
nada—nothing.
Your
modus operandi is to chat/email a couple times—then if that
goes well, meet. You’ve only made a few dates because you either
didn’t meet their ideal of perfection or they couldn’t
satisfy your chat/email requirement.
This
one seemed great, though, until something—you received a new
picture that looked twenty-five years older or fifty pounds heavier
than the original, or you just didn’t think there was a future—made
you realize this wasn’t a good match for you. You know that
honesty is the best policy, but you decide to be polite; perhaps
you can avoid being hurtful by simply typing “not interested.”
No,
that would be way too easy.
Your response is short: None of your usual chatty-Cathy replies.
Somehow the icicles in your tone don’t get through, though,
and the next thing you know you’ve been invited to dinner.
You
hedge. For some reason, like many online daters, you decide against
being honest—maybe because you don’t have time for a lengthy
explanation while you’re scanning search results for someone
with potential. So you lie to avoid a meeting. But what can you
say to ensure you end this conversation for good?
I’m
busy.
“I’m sorry but I’m busy for the next few weeks. I’ve
met a lot of people, and I’m busy sorting out the wheat from
the chaff. Hopefully you will fall into the wheat category! Maybe
we can get together three weeks from Monday? Oops, no; I have a
date then.”
I
have a family obligation.
“Sorry, I can’t chat right now. My sister who’s my
ex-wife wants to speak with me regarding our son’s, who’s
my nephew, schizophrenia.”
I
have a prior commitment.
“My mother only lets me date on Friday nights. The rest of
the week I’m hers! Can we chat again closer to Friday when
I’ll know my plans better?”
I
have a medical condition.
“My doctor says I’m allergic to men. Whenever I date anyone
I break into hives.”
Get
a life.
If one of these doesn’t work, you might consider just being
honest. After all, it’s easier than the alternative, and you
know you’ll never remember which lie you told whom after you’ve
been connecting with all those other matches. Everyone deserves
an honest response. Take a few seconds to say, “No, thanks,”
rather than investing a lot of time creating lame excuses.
Isn’t
honesty just plain easier? by William D. Hicks
© Match.com
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