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Dumped
and down
William D. Hicks, Match.com
We’ve
all been there — dumped and down. The one with whom we planned
to grow old has decided not to love us anymore. For whatever reasons.
It doesn’t even matter right now. We just don’t feel good
about ourselves. We don’t know what to do.
It
feels impossible to think about dating again — get back into
the water after the sharks have picked us clean. I’ve been
there. And I’ve found some useful things that helped me date
again — to get past the emotional baggage of being dumped and
down. Perhaps some of these will be useful to you.
Seek
out old friends. All those friends you didn’t have time
for when you were dating your boyfriend are still there. Give them
a call. Make plans for movies, dancing, dinner — anything.
Just make plans you can look forward to. Something that will stop
you from feeling lonely on those nights you and your ex used to
do things together. Give yourself a reason to anticipate the weekend
— not dread it.
Find
something you really like to do and do it. Remember all those
things you liked to do before you were dating — collecting
stamps, going to ball games, reading fiction novels? Well, they
never left you. They just got put to the side — either because
your ex didn’t like doing them — or you were just too
busy to partake. Now is the time to treat yourself — go to
a movie by yourself if you can’t find a friend.
Find
a physical activity you might enjoy and explore it. When I broke
up, I wanted to meet eligible singles, so I started playing volleyball
in a local league. After playing for almost two years, I’m
getting pretty good. I may never be great, but it’s great physical
exercise, and it gave me a social outlet to meet new people as well
as something to look forward to during the week.
Get
ready for next time. One thing you learn from a break-up are
the things you did wrong. But there were things you did right, too!
Self-help books can help. I read one entitled Learned Optimism,
How to Change your Mind and Your Life, by Martin E.P. Seligman,
Ph.D. After a bad break-up, it made me realize that being too down
didn’t help; it hindered me like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Learning how to be more optimistic has made my life much happier
over the years.
I’ve
found that when you start refocusing on yourself — on your
happiness — and stop focusing on the loss, you can get past
the pain of a break-up. You can move on. You can let someone new
into your heart. You can trust again. And someday you might just
find that soulmate you seek. Start today with a quick
search at Match.com.
Dumped
and down by William D Hicks
© Match.com
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